


missing piece

by piece_of_the_stars



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: s08e14 This is Not Happening, F/M, Season 8, This Is Not Happening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 22:47:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5558450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piece_of_the_stars/pseuds/piece_of_the_stars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>how does one comprehend the loss of the most important person in their life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	missing piece

how does one comprehend the loss of the most important person in their life?

for the past eight years of their partnership, the x files have been their lives. as the years went on, the other things in their lives melted away until there’s only the two of them and their basement office. they’ve seen things and experienced traumas that no one else in the world would understand or even believe. they only had each other.

mulder has been gone for months but she never let herself seriously think about finding him any other way than alive. he saw her again after she was abducted and she believed she would once again see him. she believed she would walk into a room to him eating sunflower seeds and cracking jokes. she believed she would get the chance to tell him he was going to be a father. but then she ran into the woods only to find his cold, unmoving body.

of all the terrible things that scully has experienced in her life, this day will forever remain one of the worst. feeling her heart being ripped out of her chest, fighting cancer, and facing the results of her abduction hadn’t hurt as much as seeing him laying there.

“no… no… no…” it’s the only thing she’s able to say as she looks at him. she’s the non-believer in their partnership. saying no is normal; it’s her refuting crazy ideas. crazy, ridiculous ideas like mulder isn’t going to wake up any second and make a joke or chase after aliens. she has refused to accept a lot of things during her time on the x files but she can’t make herself believe that he’s gone.

the two of them cheated death so many times while working on the x files that part of them always assumed that they would make it through. they’d been in and out of the hospital time and time again but they always recovered. until now. now, there would be no recovering for either of them.

she became less of herself when she saw his body. they’re mulder and scully. she doesn’t know how to be just scully anymore. she doesn't even know who that person is anymore. she never thought she would have to figure out who dana scully is without a fox mulder by her side. it's been too long since she first shook his hand and became half of a greater whole. how is she supposed to be just half of herself again? how is she supposed to go on when half of herself is laying cold in a field?

after her cancer, she had always just assumed that she would be the one to go first. she thought she would always be able to find him, to get him out of trouble. she supposedly got him back from the 1930s, what couldn’t she rescue him from? she was his partner. this wasn’t supposed to happen to him. she has already buried too many of her loved ones but she always thought he'd be there with her, holding her hand. but now the hand that should be wrapped around his, has to help bury him.

her future passed before her eyes as she knelt on the cold, hard ground by his side. she saw herself raising their child alone and telling stories of an alien hunting father who did everything he could to find the Truth. she saw herself cheering on their son at the baseball diamond and remembering “hips before hands”. she saw herself painting planets and stars on the nursery room walls and finding alien toys to give her child.

she saw herself wishing to god everyday that mulder could be there to see the miracle they created, to be with them, to have a chance at a happy family instead of the unloving, dysfunctional one he had been given. she saw all of that and more as she sat there, pleading silently that he would open his eyes as she stroked his marked cheek.

she felt herself being ripped apart as someone, she doesn't know who, pulls her away from the body. the body, she thinks about how cruel that sounds and how wrong it feels to refer to mulder as that.

it’s mulder she wants to scream at them. she wants to scream at everyone, at the world, at god. she wants to find who hurt him and make them pay. she wants everyone to pay for filling their lives with pain. 

she wants mulder to wake up and be okay. she wants him to throw pencils at the ceiling and wake her up at ridiculous hours when he should be sleeping. she wants him to forget her birthday and make her listen to elvis. she wants him to mess up the expense reports and she wants him to show up at her apartment without calling. 

she just wants mulder. 

but he’s gone.

she’s never going to see him wear another ugly tie or take up too much room next to her on a plane or in the car. she’s never going to roll her eyes at his crazy theories ever again or hear him tease her. she’s never going to wake up next to him or tell him she loves him because he’s dead.

he’s dead and she doesn't understand how this is happening. it can’t be happening. it can’t be real. this is not happening she thinks, she yells, she screams, she cries.


End file.
